A year has come and gone since my decision to be part-time and spend more time on my family. It has been hands-down the best decision for us, EVER. I make no promises or comparisons to other momma's out there. Our families all have their own journey's and needs. This was ours.
Just like when I began motherhood, I had all of these preconceived notions of all the things we were going to do and how much "learning" I was going to be able to get in with him, how much exploring, investigating, arts, crafts. . . .ha! I am such a structured person, and though motherhood has taught me to relax a bit more and take things as they come. . .I still am a planner. It is just how I deal with the "stray from the plan" days that has really changed. Because let me tell you. . .most days never go as planned. I like to give him time. Time to finish that last spin out in the yard, the last scribble, the last few notes in a song, the last set of dance moves. I am learning because. . .I never know when that image will truly be the last. Sure I may see him sing again. . .but will it be the same toddler, out-of-tune, only singing the words "Jingle Bells" because that is all he knows of the song? This moment I don't get back. I am going to savor it.
So what have I learned and what will I include into my plan to do better, but may fail a time or two plans? I have learned how cool this kid is. No really. He has got the best imagination. Maybe this is genetics. . of course I like to think there is more nurture vs. nature :), maybe because we kept TV at bay (he now is allowed to watch a few Elmo videos...helping with potty training), maybe because he is just his own person, and he's just imaginative.
Our son is also very compassionate. He is concerned about boo-boo's, he is emotionally connected and can sense emotions so well in voices, tones, expressions. He says thank-you unprompted, and with true delight. That warms my heart. I have learned he is like his momma, and life is very much a emotional connection. He is emotionally connected to that leaf we spent the last minute playing with, as much as his emotionally connected to the sound of his daddy walking through the door in the afternoon. He loves. He is connected. I have learned to keep nurturing this.
He is a firecracker. Maybe it's a bit of the Scotch-Irish in him. Maybe it's his dad's temper. Maybe because he is a Leo. Maybe it's his need to have everything just so, and gets frustrated when it's not. Hmmmm, okay.. .hopefully our hands free experiment will help with this! I have learned how to diffuse situations, and how to fight my own demons of "this is how you are supposed to discipline/punish a child". I live in the south. My husband and I are from the south. I know what people think we should be doing. . .and I know they think they know what my son needs. But guess what buddy, I actually KNOW my son. I have taken and savored all those times with him so that I could learn who he is and what would be best when it comes to preparing my son for tomorrow. It's not about punishment for us, it's about correcting a behavior. My son is not bad, he doesn't need punishing. Anyhow. . .that is another post.
I want my son to be appreciative. I have to say my parents hit it right on the head when it came to teaching me about value. It wasn't easy, nothing was just given to me. I had a job in high school, my first car was old, no a/c, but it was mine. I saved and paid for it. I am still paying for college. Again, it's mine. . .and like I have learned how to work hard to get where I need to be, and to appreciate what makes us truly happy. Sure we have stuff, more than I wish at times. I think we do our best though to keep it at bay. We have to, we have other priorities, and we live on a budget. A family trip weighs more to us than the trips through the drive thru, $5 toys here and there, and gadgets. I was taught to give- my time, money, my gifts of grace.
This task frightens me. Yet, I think, hope and pray it is all the indirect lessons that teach some of this.
I want my son to have a sense of community. I had an awesome, love-filled community to raise me. This included neighbors, sitters, family, friends of the family. I want my son to have this. It is already a bit difficult due to distance. But I also realized how I needed to set an example. We have strayed from nurturing our authentic relationships. I don't want that. I don't want that for him. So this past year I tried to make sure people knew how important they were to me. Like all plans. . .I failed in some ways, but I succeeded in others. So I'll keep working on this. . .heck, nurturing relationships is always work. Even the best relationships take work. So I guess I didn't do as bad as I thought.
This morning I read a blog post from one of my favorite blog writers. I feel like I have so much in common with her--due to her need for "control". . .some of us are silly this way. It just really got me to thinking about where I thought I would be right now with Gray. . .and thankful for all the places we have been. We have hiked or explored more Mondays than not. We have played in the dirt. We have baked cookies, made play dough and explored with it. We have read books, giggled, danced in the living room, and built endless train tracks. We have scribbled, painted, planted, and worked on numbers and letters. We have hugged, loved, snuggled, and played patty cake. We have been hands free. Thank you to the folks who help pave the way for me, and help make me strive to be a better mother.
http://www.handsfreemama.com/2011/05/15/no-thanks-necessary/
For the past seven Christmas's we have delivered cookies to our neighbors. My mother did this. I do it. I love checking in with our neighbors, especially some of the elderly who aren't able to get out as much. I am excited to have Gray really be apart of this tradition this year. Maybe it's also time to open that tradition up a bit more. . .who else can we all be thinking/doing of or for? How can we be telling people thank you. Thank you and you do matter, my son matters, these lessons matter, the future of our society matters?
How can we be present and hands free?
