Lock Down

I intended my next post to be about Christmas.  I have pictures of Gray enjoying this Holiday season...

However I am compelled to write for Gray.  He is so unaware, as he should be.  But this is a part of his lifetime, and I want him to be able to look back at this and own it, and hopefully be proud of what we have all learned.

Yesterday our day started out normal, but instead of heading to work after dropping off Gray at his seemingly safe Ms. Dana's house, Steven and I headed to Juvenile court.  A few hours in juvenile court will make you weep for our future.  I had no idea how much weeping would be done.

A couple of months ago, Steven had three students threaten to stab and cut him up.  They were mad over some grades, and cell phones.  In their minds he was so unfair.  WHY?  Why do so many young children not feel accountability?  WHY?  Why do they feel like they are owed the right to do whatever they want?  

In the court room we saw a 12 yr. old come in shackles.  WHY?  Why had violence reached and taken a hold of his heart?  Where did he see such violence?

We saw an entire family stand before a judge, a 5th, 6th and 7th grade set of siblings.  They had sneaked out and busted out a church window.  WHY?  What possessed them to test limits and boundaries in such extremes?  What boundaries have they been pushing all along?  What were they screaming about that we were ignoring?

We saw kids stand before a judge.  Stand before a judge because of assaults, threats, racial sparked assaults, violation of probation. . .

Towards the end of the morning, close to lunch time, all of a sudden cases were rushed, dismissed, continued.  WHY?  Why are WE not teaching them accountability?  Why are we not teaching them that even though they are culturally and socially created, there are norms, mores, boundaries?  What are WE afraid of?  Why are we allowing it to spin out of control so that we are all on lock down?

As soon as I heard about the tragedies yesterday at two schools, one on each side of our planet, my first thought, was how glad I was to still be able to protect Gray from this ugliness.  Gray doesn't know evil.  He doesn't know scary, or hate.  He knows death, but only in a "natural" form.  Then I wondered how many of the children in Sandy Hook knew about evil before that day? 

I grieve for the parents, the spouses, the sisters, brothers, and the children.  

We keep comparing this to the past. . .so what have we learned.  We have amazing lock down procedures.  Once again the schools are doing their job, but what have we learned?  What are we doing differently in our living rooms?  We have Rachel's Challenge now.  Again. . .once again the schools are doing what they CAN.  But what are we doing differently?  What are YOU doing differently at your dinner table?  We have campaigns for nonviolent schools.  Again, the schools the TEACHERS are doing their part, but what are YOU doing?  What are you doing in your backyard?  

How much has your TV been on today?  What real, authentic experiences are the children around you getting?  Is their Zhu-Zhu pet the closest thing to a real living pet they have ever had?  How are they supposed to appreciate life, when the closest we give them is what they see on TV, or shoot on the computer, or fight on their Xbox?  Sure, it seems harmless. . .but is it?  

We see a shift in our society.  We keep asking WHAT HAS HAPPENED?  Where did we go wrong?  Church, prayer in schools. . .we love pointing fingers to everything on the outside.  Never looking at what goes on in our own homes.  Breakdown of the family, technology for mindless activities (really you want your children to be mindless?), unknown communities (how many of you really know your neighbors), fast food dinners (never mind the thought of what we are actually feeding ourselves, but when did you all sit at the table together last?), stuff.  So much stuff. . .who are we competing with?  My son has asked for candy for Christmas.  I have never been so relieved.  He doesn't know about stuff. . .he already has too much stuff.  I don't want him to be obsessed with stuff.  I don't know that I will always be able to keep it at bay, but hopefully we are setting a good foundation.  

Sure, I feel strongly about a spiritual foundation.  Ask my son where God is. . .he'll tell you in his heart.  Not in a building only on Sunday mornings.  When are we going to realize that it is more than church?  When will we realize that it is a personal journey, and that instead of arguing the name of what is sacred to you, that it is more important to allow for the journey.  Are you more worried about church on Sunday morning that you are about your child realizing the connection of what is real in the world, and what your sacred created for you to live in CONNECTION with?  Be true to your journey and your community will happen.  

Today I was invited to be a part of a pay it forward event.  I challenge you the same.  Maybe your pay it forward could be just to take a walk with a young one in your life.  Take a second to listen to that bird.  Seems insignificant?  But allowing that sweet, innocent young person to slow down, appreciate and connect with the sacred, and experience REAL life, is far from insignificant.  Think of how the rewards from this could be paying itself forward to a long time to come?

Allow our children to have empathy, to experience real, authentic experiences.  Let them know love, joy, pain, and yes even death, and pain.  Empathy is what keeps this from happening.  Empathy is what makes us human.   Do not keep them on an emotional lock down.

http://www.micheleborba.com/blog/2012/05/20/is-a-plugged-in-world-reducing-childrens-empathy/

http://ns.umich.edu/new/releases/7724

http://hechingered.org/content/are-texting-multitasking-teens-losing-empathy-skills-some-differing-views_4002/

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=what-me-care

http://artofmanliness.com/2010/07/25/our-disembodied-selves-and-the-decline-of-empathy/

http://z6mag.com/technology/is-technology-killing-kindness-in-kids-1610293.html

http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/how-digital-culture-is-rewiring-our-brains-20120806-23q5p.html

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/07/technology/07brain.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Nope, you won't be hearing about this on TV :)

Thank you

A year has come and gone since my decision to be part-time and spend more time on my family.  It has been hands-down the best decision for us, EVER.  I make no promises or comparisons to other momma's out there.  Our families all have their own journey's and needs.  This was ours.

Just like when I began motherhood, I had all of these preconceived notions of all the things we were going to do and how much "learning" I was going to be able to get in with him, how much exploring, investigating, arts, crafts. . . .ha!  I am such a structured person, and though motherhood has taught me to relax a bit more and take things as they come. . .I still am a planner.  It is just how I deal with the "stray from the plan" days that has really changed.  Because let me tell you. . .most days never go as planned.  I like to give him time.  Time to finish that last spin out in the yard, the last scribble, the last few notes in a song, the last set of dance moves.  I am learning because. . .I never know when that image will truly be the last.  Sure I may see him sing again. . .but will it be the same toddler, out-of-tune, only singing the words "Jingle Bells" because that is all he knows of the song?  This moment I don't get back.  I am going to savor it.

So what have I learned and what will I include into my plan to do better, but may fail a time or two plans?  I have learned how cool this kid is.  No really.  He has got the best imagination.  Maybe this is genetics. . of course I like to think there is more nurture vs. nature :), maybe because we kept TV at bay (he now is allowed to watch a few Elmo videos...helping with potty training), maybe because he is just his own person, and he's just imaginative.
Our son is also very compassionate.  He is concerned about boo-boo's, he is emotionally connected and can sense emotions so well in voices, tones, expressions.  He says thank-you unprompted, and with true delight.  That warms my heart.  I have learned he is like his momma, and life is very much a emotional connection.  He is emotionally connected to that leaf we spent the last minute playing with, as much as his emotionally connected to the sound of his daddy walking through the door in the afternoon.  He loves.  He is connected. I have learned to keep nurturing this.

He is a firecracker.  Maybe it's a bit of the Scotch-Irish in him.  Maybe it's his dad's temper.  Maybe because he is a Leo.  Maybe it's his need to have everything just so, and gets frustrated when it's not.  Hmmmm, okay.. .hopefully our hands free experiment will help with this!  I have learned how to diffuse situations, and how to fight my own demons of "this is how you are supposed to discipline/punish a child".  I live in the south.  My husband and I are from the south.  I know what people think we should be doing. . .and I know they think they know what my son needs.  But guess what buddy, I actually KNOW my son.  I have taken and savored all those times with him so that I could learn who he is and what would be best when it comes to preparing my son for tomorrow.  It's not about punishment for us, it's about correcting a behavior.  My son is not bad, he doesn't need punishing.  Anyhow. . .that is another post.

I want my son to be appreciative.  I have to say my parents hit it right on the head when it came to teaching me about value.  It wasn't easy, nothing was just given to me.  I had a job in high school, my first car was old, no a/c, but it was mine.  I saved and paid for it.  I am still paying for college.  Again, it's mine. . .and like I have learned how to work hard to get where I need to be, and to appreciate what makes us truly happy.  Sure we have stuff, more than I wish at times.  I think we do our best though to keep it at bay.  We have to, we have other priorities, and we live on a budget.  A family trip weighs more to us than the trips through the drive thru, $5 toys here and there, and gadgets.  I was taught to give- my time, money, my gifts of grace.
This task frightens me.  Yet, I think, hope and pray it is all the indirect lessons that teach some of this.

I want my son to have a sense of community.  I had an awesome, love-filled community to raise me.  This included neighbors, sitters, family, friends of the family.  I want my son to have this.  It is already a bit difficult due to distance.  But I also realized how I needed to set an example.  We have strayed from nurturing our authentic relationships.  I don't want that.  I don't want that for him.  So this past year I tried to make sure people knew how important they were to me.  Like all plans. . .I failed in some ways, but I succeeded in others.  So I'll keep working on this. . .heck, nurturing relationships is always work.  Even the best relationships take work.  So I guess I didn't do as bad as I thought.

This morning I read a blog post from one of my favorite blog writers.  I feel like I have so much in common with her--due to her need for "control". . .some of us are silly this way.  It just really got me to thinking about where I thought I would be right now with Gray. . .and thankful for all the places we have been.  We have hiked or explored more Mondays than not.  We have played in the dirt.  We have baked cookies, made play dough and explored with it.  We have read books, giggled, danced in the living room, and built endless train tracks.  We have scribbled, painted, planted, and worked on numbers and letters.  We have hugged, loved, snuggled, and played patty cake.  We have been hands free.  Thank you to the folks who help pave the way for me, and help make me strive to be a better mother.

http://www.handsfreemama.com/2011/05/15/no-thanks-necessary/

For the past seven Christmas's we have delivered cookies to our neighbors.  My mother did this.  I do it.  I love checking in with our neighbors, especially some of the elderly who aren't able to get out as much.  I am excited to have Gray really be apart of this tradition this year.  Maybe it's also time to open that tradition up a bit more. . .who else can we all be thinking/doing of or for?  How can we be telling people thank you.  Thank you and you do matter, my son matters, these lessons matter, the future of our society matters?

How can we be present and hands free?

Cousins video...silly boys!

Meant to post this on the last post.  Silly boys blowing raspberries, and laughing.

Thanksgiving and visits with the cousins

 What a Thanksgiving!!!  Typically I never get to see my side of the family for Thanksgiving, just because it is so hard to travel back and forth in the short amount of time we have on break.  So I was thrilled this year when my sister decided they would come visit for Thanksgiving!  It was so much fun being together for the holiday and having our boys together.  Those two were thick as thieves!  I wouldn't have guessed them to get along as well as they did, just because of their age, but they did so well.  There were a few arguments, and "mine!", but for the most part, they wanted to just be together.  It was so wonderful!
We had a great Thanksgiving meal here at the house, and though we missed all our other families, it was nice to have the time together.  Thank you Lou for making the trip up!  You made my Thanksgiving!

The boys loved playing on Gray's tractor!  Took turns in the drivers seat.

First time sitting on Santa's lap!  He did so good!

Story time.

Halloween!

My favorite holiday and time of year!  We hosted our annual Hoke Halloweenie, went to the downtown Spooktacular, and of course went trick-or-treating!  It gets better and better every year with little man!

ghosts

Boo!

Witchy

Monkeys came to visit. . .

and fairies. . .

and sweaty clone troopers (Steven had to help me with that). . .

and princess fairies. . .

and cleo. . .

and kitty cats. . .

and spyro the dragon. . .

and a Cleopatra.

Gray's "cheese" face at the Downtown Newton Spooktacular

Gray beyond excited getting to "drive" the firetruck!  What a great treat!

 

 

Halloween night- out for trick or treating in the neighborhood

 

 

Gratefulness

Saturday I began the real immersion into my Inner Life of a Child in Nature program with the Center for Education, Imagination and the Natural World.  It was amazing.  My hopes with this program are to help focus me on which direction I need to take. . .I have some ideas for which way I need to be going for my master's degree. . .but just trying to figure out which will be best for my goals, and also the practicalities in life (the paying the bills part).

I of course am a huge fan of Thomas Berry, the ecotheologian, so I was thrilled when I found this program just two hours away and it was developed out of his ideas, and from discussions with him!  Only one day of meeting the other kindred spirits, some reflection, and solo time and I can already "see" a little better.

So for my masters. . . not sure which route to go in.  On my list are Seminary, Conflict and Peace Studies, Ecotherapy, Ecopsycology, Parks and Rec, and App Studies- Sustainability.  Really- they all are tied together. . .in my mind.  The more time I spend in Environmental Education the more I realize some of the greater issues and problems facing humankind because of our disconnect.

Towards the end of the day Saturday we were given time to walk around, sit, meditate, journal, etc. at the sanctuary.  I spent a lot of time listening and journaling.  I found myself feeling forever grateful.  I am grateful for my Grandma Lareau for my spiritual connection.  I may have taken a different path than her, but without her guidance, I would not have ended up on the path that I am on (or possibly many others for that matter), I am grateful for Steven and the power and strength you gain from being loved, and I am grateful for Grayson for my glimpse of brilliance,  agape love, and the secrets of the universe.  I explained to Steven that I often feel like these newborns are all the answers- they are everything that is sacred.  A direct connection to what is divine.  Becoming a mother was like being brushed as lightly as a feather by all of that.  So much seemed clearer- and I only became hungry to know more.  He awakened me in so many ways.

After some time journaling I found myself walking along a trail.  There was a lone dandelion on the edge of the trail, and I just felt like I would take some time to slow my thoughts and be present.  It was amazing how I started seeing one dandelion and hearing one bird, to hearing several birds and buzzing insects, watching nameless insects crawling all around me.  I had been so stuck in my own mind, that by slowing down I allowed myself to open up and see what was really going on around me.  Our objective was to feel love, real love for all things.  I don't know that I felt that. . .but I do feel like I accomplished feeling grateful, and amazed.  I accomplished being present.

To my Gray-

Often while I was pregnant people would comment on doom and gloom and the fear of bringing a child into the world (I know never seemed appropriate to me either), but I have never felt that.  One I knew (and still know) that you will be a light.  In fact the song A Touch of Grey brings a smile to me.  We will get by.  I am certain of it, and I hope that my practices of keeping in the present and keeping us connected to what is sacred will make all the difference for you and the world.

Hayrides and Pumpkins

 Sunday we headed up to New River State Park for a hayride through the park, and to enjoy fall in the mountains of Ashe County.  It was our 6th wedding anniversary, and seemed like a nice way to spend the day as a family.  Gray is drawn to water (he is very much a fire sign) so of course we headed to the river as well and sat for awhile to enjoy the river, and our time together.  It was nice to be very present.  Gray spent time throwing leaves into the river, and of course had to dip his toes in as well.

Making our snake faces...ssssss

Matching the animals.  He LOVES matching games, and he did awesome at this!

Come on Dad, just a little dip. . .

COLD!!!

Heading back down the mountain we stopped off at Aunt Nita's and Uncle Mike's to say hello and pick some pumpkins.  Gray's birthday gift had somehow traveled in the mail for awhile before heading back to their house, so she also gave Gray his birthday gift.  It was the most thoughtful gift ever, and I just can't say enough.  Steven was very moved. . .and almost shed a tear in front of everyone.  

Is so happy with his Aunt "Nina"

See the beautiful view from their place?  It really is amazing up there on Herman road

A matching brick was laid at the Catawba Regional Hospice.  This place is amazing and the nurses were God sends when Steven's Dad was sick.

We filled the car with pumpkins, and headed on home with full hearts from a wonderful day.

Gorgeous Gorges

Today we headed west to the town of Sapphire to see the grand opening of the Gorges State Park visitor center.  This was one exhibit project I had seen from the very beginning all the way to the end.  I had so much fun during the planning process, and had really great partners to collaborate with.  It was very exciting to see the completion of the project, to see the exhibits in real life, and not just on paper, as well as to see all the people interact with them.  Exhibitry was never anything I had dreamed of going into, but it is an extension of environmental education that I have found myself to really enjoy.  I hope I am able to find myself in another job, being that creative once again.  

HUGE waterfall.  The idea here was to start introducing the concept of waterfalls. It is amazing.

Love the flow.  We totally ran with the idea of the exhibits, visitor center, and the outdoors all being one.  

Known as a vacation site, you can send an electronic postcard from Gorges.

Water table that can be moved around.  Lets the kids build cascades and waterfalls.

Of course Gray was busy making friends with the big boys.  They are admiring a fish "stuck" in a pool in the diorama.

Gray loved the rattlesnake crossing tunnel.  

Mommy had to crawl through too.

Cozy.  This was all part of our plan as well.  I foresee ranger chats here with great storytelling, or music, and other cool demonstrations.

Our artistic waterfall came out wonderful!  

LEED info found all over the building.

Sharon (my replacement) chatting with Gray.  He loved the animal skulls.